The Land of Enchantment.

Home.  

Yes.  You can get that on record.  I have just called New Mexico home.  

Oh goodness.  What has happened to me?  

This time two years ago, I would have kicked myself for saying that.  Chances are I would've done so even one year ago.  I hated it when I lived there.  I was tired of the browns of the desert, the long dry summers, the  cold snowy winters, the run down neighborhoods.  I was tired of the big blue sky, the spicy green chilie peppers, even the turquoise.  

I moved to Perfectville, California.  It's nice.  I can walk to the beach.  The land is green.  No one here looks like they'd want to steal my purse as soon as I leave it.  People here all seem to lead perfect lives to go along with their perfect town.  Perfect grades, perfect clothes, perfect houses, perfect bodies, perfect everything.  I should be thankful that I live here.  It's such a nice place.  People are nice.  The weather is nice. Everyone who lives here seems to be in love with it.  I feel bad for hating it, thinking that I'm just going to want to come back when I leave.  But yet I don't feel like I belong here.  I feel like an outcast.  The imperfect figure in the town of perfect-ness.  

It's easy to get sick of perfect.  

Now, I miss those hot, dry summers. I think the brown mountains and blue skies are beautiful.  I can appreciate the snowy winters and even the run down neighborhoods now because there aren't any here.  And I definitely miss having turquoise-wearing waiters and waitresses asking me "red or green?" after ordering food.  

I have such great memories there.  When I got to New Mexico, I was just an innocent little 13 year old girl.  I was just sure that one day I would be a writer.  I had dreams of going to high school and living my life just like a Taylor Swift music video.  I thought I knew exactly who I was... and well, everything else.  But I spent a year in solitude... though I didn't like it at the time, it gave me a better sense of not being afraid to be myself.  I started high school and met some wonderful people.  Suddenly I found myself not hating New Mexico so much.  Those people and events gave me an even better idea of who I was and made me grow up... I remember leaving our little adobe house and thinking "Wow.  I'm a different person than I was when I first entered that house."  It felt good.  I felt more... real.  

Today I heard that the morning radio show I listened to everyday when I lived there was cancelled.  I just about cried.  To me, it was just symbolic of how good those days were, and how that they're really over now.  

I still feel like an outsider here in California.  I'll be sitting in chemistry and think "Do I really go to school here?  What am I even doing here?  I don't belong here..."  

I live in Perfectville, where I would have killed to live just two years ago.  It's black and white, nothing ever goes wrong.  

But life needs some color.  And of the seven totally different places I've lived, New Mexico is the most colorful.  

You've got to see the black and white before you can appreciate the color.  

Oh, what'd I'd give to go back.

Even if you just want to leave while you're there, you'll always be drawn back in.

And that's why they call it the Land of Enchantment.  

You'll Never Fade Away

Dear You,

Hey how've you been? I miss you. I can't help but wonder if you do too.
"Is that you?"  I hear you say,
You're laughing and you're smiling, you always brighten up my day.
Do you recognize me, have I changed at all?
What have you been up to, I see you've gotten tall.
Hey how've you been? Its been quite a while.
There's a large pile of letters under my bed,
Ones you'll never read, nor words that will be ever be said.
People can prompt me all they like, but my minds made up,
Its not love, its something else, and from a distance it will be enough.

Go ahead and please stand there and be yourself,

That's why I like you, you're not like anyone else.

And when I see you from a far screen away,
You won't see the tears, nor any pain, and by the way,

Just above a whisper, "You'll  never  fade 

away..."

Love,

Me



A Letter You'll Never Read

I'm leaving and you know it,

I haven't had a chance to see you since the news spread,

You like some other girl and I know it,

It haunts me at night before I lay down my head,

You want to design rollercoasters someday and I know that because you told me,

Your eyes sparkled when you said it, the way they do when you're happy,

I watch you out of the corner of my eye sometimes but you have no idea,

I wonder what her name is: Kate, Hailey, or maybe Leah

You hate bumpers when you bowl, I know

But so does everyone else and they don't really care, 

You have a special love of Truth or Dare and I know that too, 

But why am I thinking of these things that i know about you?

It doesn't matter anymore, I'm moving on and I never even had a chance, 

But I do know my girls, my friends, when I'm gone will make you do the "The Happy Dance" 

When someone bowls a strike or a spare you'll think of me and maybe wish that I was there,

You see, I've left my mark, a small, tiny little legacy,

My heart is whole and complete, I don't need you to remember me 

The friends I've made are more important than competing with a girl I've never met,

Someday you'll cross my mind and I'll think, "How could I forget."

You've meant something to me and you truly are a special guy,

But its funny how things change in the blink of an eye.

So I guess this means goodbye...

    Love, Me